Geezer Psychology

  Mild Cognitive Impairment Bear with me while I’m serious - just for a paragraph or two. Elderly folks suffer from cognitive impairment to some degree more than do the general population. The more serious cases require some level of special care and some even need to take up residence at Shady Pines. Most of us, however, learn to live with a slight slow-down of the old cranial processing unit by recognizing the problem and installing software patches that work around the neurological roadblocks. Please understand that nothing in this epistle is intended to disrespect or humiliate those with these chronic geriatric mental deficiencies. We are thankful that our handicaps are slight and chose to ease the burden they pose by making light of them. We have a great deal of sympathy for those whose mom doesn’t recognize them any longer and for the awful pain that situation causes. Now, before I lose my train of thought, let me enlighten you about how The Geezer Monster tries to make life ...

  Sockless at the Range Those of us who have traveled far enough down our path through the garden of life to be promoted to the rank of Geezeer have been endowed with various skills, as well as a few disabilities. We’ve achieved this status, not by surpassing any of the achievements of our peers, but by merely surviving the many instances of our own stupidity and the curve balls life throws at everyone from time to time. A few of us arrive at our “graduation ceremony” completely unscathed, sporting the minds and bodies of whippersnappers despite our chronology. Most, however, carry a few battle scars, some of which are the result of a life well-lived while others are simply the result of normal wear and tear. Lots of normal bodily functions don’t work as well for Geezers as they do for whippersnappers. Fortunately, medical science has developed the equivalent of a software patch for many of our disabilities - the “little blue pill” comes to mind - but not everything we suffer can b...

  Karen - The Geezer Monster’s Daughter In episode 1 of The Geezer Monster, I tried to explain the phenomenon that plagues many senior citizens in today’s world - the paranormal ogre, known as The Geezer Monster, that stalks us. I explained that The Geezer Monster is a powerful force from the dark side. It delights in making life difficult, if not downright dangerous, for those of us who suffer from a diminished capacity in some or many facets of our everyday existence. Karen is its malevolent offspring, whose narcissistic viewpoint is that geezers are merely impediments to the smooth flow of modern society and should be dealt with in the same manner as an unwanted pregnancy. Many geezers have adopted a great fear of The Geezer Monster and a severe dislike of Karen. These folks have allowed these two nemeses, the Monster and his daughter, to exert unnecessary control over their lives by granting them more power than they deserve. Karen can be ignored by adopting an attitude of pity...

  Posnoggeration Most Geezers don’t have to get up and go to work every day. They’ve taken the off-ramp from that path through the garden of life and passed on to a route with lower speed limits and better scenery. This so-called “scenic route” also provides access to many destinations not easily found on the main highway. Traveling the scenic route allows us to take a day off from drudgery any time we want, as long as we’re caught up on the household chores assigned by SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed). Electronic banking has even relieved us of the obligation to meet the postman to get our Social Security checks. We can just throw a bag of our toys in the back of the car and meet up with other geezers for a day of fun & games, topped off with a session of kicking lies and telling tires. These are the days of our lives - filled with sunshine (we use rainy days for SWMBO chores), shits, giggles, and never letting the truth stand in the way of a good story. As nice as all this soun...

  If we walk long enough along our path through the garden of life we attain a status known as geriatric. The world, and how we cope with it, changes over time and many of us resist the changes required of us to maintain the lifestyle to which we’ve become accustomed and prefer. We become unable to do things as easily as we once could and must expend extra mental energy to perform tasks that were automatic. What we once did well becomes that which we can do adequately at best. C’est La Vie. As one of those who’s passed the “Welcome to Geezertown” city limit signpost, I can authoritatively warn the whippersnappers of what’s to come and commiserate with my comrades about life in the Blue Hair Lane. Those of us who survive in our newly found aged lifestyle, and even thrive in it, have necessarily adopted a laissez-faire attitude regarding the obstacles thrown in our way. We found early on that complaining about our arms being too short for reading, our bladder being too small for a fu...

  Geezer Sluggish Judgement Syndrome Trust The Science The Royal Tyrone Academy of Science has recently completed an exhaustive study that has identified a mental deficiency common among superannuated male humans (Geezers) heretofore unexplained. The study examined a plethora of data collected from a diverse population of geezers and analyzed with the help of Facebook’s AI and the Chinese quantum computer used by the NIH to evaluate Coronavirus data. The study was examined by independent experts and the results were confirmed during an exhaustive collaboration of the Royal Academy’s Peer-Review committee. The study has resulted in the identification of a suspected mental disorder now known as Geezer Sluggish Judgement Syndrome (GSJS). The study was submitted to the Fact-Checking Politbureau of the Democratic National Committee, which confirmed its validity and declared Trump as the cause of the disorder. Legislation has been proposed and submitted to Nancy-Gataor for scheduling i...