Geezer Psychology

  The Geezer Monster's Day Off Sometimes The Geezer Monster takes a day off.  We assume he does this to recharge his batteries, so to speak, or to spend the time learning new tricks that will get through the cracks in our defense shield. No matter the reason, we rejoice at receiving the blessing of a day in the life of a “normal” person.  Awakening to the sight of daylight streaming in the window, instead of squinting through the dark room to find that it’s only 03:00, is a beautiful feeling. “Wow, I’ve either slept straight through the night or Heaven looks like my bedroom.” What could be better than a day that starts with that kind of a feeling? Walking across the carpet barefooted to the bathroom is always the first order of business on getting out of bed. Standing in front of the toilet watching a stream of urine through sleepy eyes is completely familiar until we realize we haven’t been there for a few hours. “How many times did I have to pee last night? This is the ...

  Mild Cognitive Impairment Bear with me while I’m serious - just for a paragraph or two. Elderly folks suffer from cognitive impairment to some degree more than do the general population. The more serious cases require some level of special care and some even need to take up residence at Shady Pines. Most of us, however, learn to live with a slight slow-down of the old cranial processing unit by recognizing the problem and installing software patches that work around the neurological roadblocks. Please understand that nothing in this epistle is intended to disrespect or humiliate those with these chronic geriatric mental deficiencies. We are thankful that our handicaps are slight and chose to ease the burden they pose by making light of them. We have a great deal of sympathy for those whose mom doesn’t recognize them any longer and for the awful pain that situation causes. Now, before I lose my train of thought, let me enlighten you about how The Geezer Monster tries to make life ...

  Sockless at the Range Those of us who have traveled far enough down our path through the garden of life to be promoted to the rank of Geezeer have been endowed with various skills, as well as a few disabilities. We’ve achieved this status, not by surpassing any of the achievements of our peers, but by merely surviving the many instances of our own stupidity and the curve balls life throws at everyone from time to time. A few of us arrive at our “graduation ceremony” completely unscathed, sporting the minds and bodies of whippersnappers despite our chronology. Most, however, carry a few battle scars, some of which are the result of a life well-lived while others are simply the result of normal wear and tear. Lots of normal bodily functions don’t work as well for Geezers as they do for whippersnappers. Fortunately, medical science has developed the equivalent of a software patch for many of our disabilities - the “little blue pill” comes to mind - but not everything we suffer can b...

  Karen - The Geezer Monster’s Daughter In episode 1 of The Geezer Monster, I tried to explain the phenomenon that plagues many senior citizens in today’s world - the paranormal ogre, known as The Geezer Monster, that stalks us. I explained that The Geezer Monster is a powerful force from the dark side. It delights in making life difficult, if not downright dangerous, for those of us who suffer from a diminished capacity in some or many facets of our everyday existence. Karen is its malevolent offspring, whose narcissistic viewpoint is that geezers are merely impediments to the smooth flow of modern society and should be dealt with in the same manner as an unwanted pregnancy. Many geezers have adopted a great fear of The Geezer Monster and a severe dislike of Karen. These folks have allowed these two nemeses, the Monster and his daughter, to exert unnecessary control over their lives by granting them more power than they deserve. Karen can be ignored by adopting an attitude of pity...

  Posnoggeration Most Geezers don’t have to get up and go to work every day. They’ve taken the off-ramp from that path through the garden of life and passed on to a route with lower speed limits and better scenery. This so-called “scenic route” also provides access to many destinations not easily found on the main highway. Traveling the scenic route allows us to take a day off from drudgery any time we want, as long as we’re caught up on the household chores assigned by SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed). Electronic banking has even relieved us of the obligation to meet the postman to get our Social Security checks. We can just throw a bag of our toys in the back of the car and meet up with other geezers for a day of fun & games, topped off with a session of kicking lies and telling tires. These are the days of our lives - filled with sunshine (we use rainy days for SWMBO chores), shits, giggles, and never letting the truth stand in the way of a good story. As nice as all this soun...